Supporting Siblings of Children With Disabilities

Name what is happening, at their level

Children fill silence with their own explanations, and those are usually harder than the truth. Age-appropriate, honest language about a sibling's needs gives them something accurate to hold.

Let them ask the same question more than once. Repetition usually means they are working something out, not that they were not listening.

Protect small amounts of undivided attention

• Short and regular beats long and rare — fifteen predictable minutes is worth more than an occasional big outing.
• Let them choose what happens in that time.
• Keep it even during demanding weeks; that is when it matters most.

Allow the complicated feelings

Siblings often feel protective and frustrated at once, and then guilty about the frustration. Saying out loud that both feelings are allowed removes the need to hide one of them.

Do not make them a second caregiver

Helping is healthy; being responsible is not. Watch for a sibling quietly taking on adult responsibility, and be explicit that the adults hold it.

Scheduled respite support is one way families create room for siblings without asking them to carry more.

Connect them to others

Sibling groups and family-to-family networks help children discover their experience is shared. The Maryland resources below are a good starting point.